When I think about growing into my feminism, I think about how it has effected my trouble with body image. It used to be one of the driving forces in my life. Feminism has taught me to place my worth elsewhere and that I can be happy and healthy at any size. It has taught me that those are truths, but they have yet to be realized, it’s going to take more therapy than you can get writing a blog. So while it’s no longer in the fore front of my thoughts, my less-than-stellar self-esteem kind of lurks under the piles of topics to be addressed at a later date. Kind of like that story about the boy on the bus in high school. This project made address it and put the way I practice my feminism under a microscope of sorts. Sometimes I feel like losing weight means betraying my feminism and giving in to the media lies. I probably won’t know what will make me happy until the pressures of college life are behind me.
Autoethnographies have been criticized for the very fact that they seem to be a form of therapy, as if that lessens the validity of the content. If anything, I’ve gained a clearer understanding of the way I observe and filter through my personal lens, which I hope might make me a better researcher if I decide I want to continue with post-graduate academics. Self-awareness and the owning of your social location gives you clearer perspective and I think it makes for more honest writing.
People keep telling me how brave I am for telling these stories. Maybe because I’m sharing my secrets and misgivings? I wish I could agree. A lot of the time, I just feel selfish and like I’m retreating from doing real, important work that could benefit others. I’ve gotten calls from both of my parents regarding my writing. It’s terrifying that they’ve read these recent posts, but comforting that they want to check in with me. Honestly, I planned on retiring this URL and focusing on my more professional website. However, since so many people have invested time to read my little undertaking and have told me they want more. So more they shall have. Check back soon for stories, art, and media regarding our bodies and the things they go through while we live in them.