Four Loko-A-Go-Go

Sorry that I haven’t been around lately. I did that thing where I go to school full-time and work two jobs and forget to make blogs. Oops. Shit has gone down in my life and in the world of feminism since I went on hiatus and I promise you, pressing issues will be addressed. But seeing as this is my first blog written after my 21st birthday, I believe it’s best to keep things light.
Four Loko. The caffeinated, alcoholic hybrid beverage that has college-aged people spending some serious one-on-one time with toilet bowls. Or hospital beds. This “blackout in a can” contains three times as much alcohol as a regular beer and has been linked to the deaths of multiple young people. So, naturally, I felt it was my duty to give it a try.

Word on the street is that the FDA is seeking to ban it and all drinks of it’s type. Of course the only effect the ban has had so far is to prompt people to stock up like it’s bottled water during hurricane season. I selected the fruitpunch flavor from the gas station, grabbed a bag of teriyaki beef jerky nuggets for sustenance, and made my merry way home to watch movies and investigate what all the fuss surrounding this drink is about.

When I pulled the tab to open it, I could already smell a strong odor of hooch. Promising. The first sip proved underwhelming in a couple of ways. I expected it to taste like cough syrup, it didn’t. I also expected it to scorch my throat due to the combo of caffeine, carbonation, and booze content. Much to my astonishment, it went down rather smoothly. Now, I’m not saying this is the nectar of the gods, but I’ve swallowed worse. Heh.

I started to notice that warm, fuzzy feeling about a third of the way through the can. It was only when I attempted to get off my sofa did I take note that I was actually intoxicated. Half-way through, my fingers and toes started to get a little numb, but I was hella alert, which gives you an idea of what kind of bad decisions could be influenced by the Loko. I ate my jerky, paced myself, and finished the can in about two hours. The last few sips had to be put on the rocks, but otherwise I finished it without any major incident. Could I have started another? Easily, at that point in time my belly was not complaining and I was steady on my feet…for the most part. But I could gauge by how efficiently this got me fucked up, that another can would probably stop being fun really fast.

I slept well and woke only to a slightly lurchy tummy, however as the day wore on, my hangover decided to set in. I’ve been nauseous for the past few hours and had some light sensitivity which is seriously out of the normal for me. Would I drink Four Loko again? Only if I was hard-pressed for cash (it costs a meager $2.50) and needing something to bring to a BYOB. This is another indicator of how Loko can be problematic for the college community: cheap, potent, and easy to get a hold of. Why buy a six-pack of something decent when you can save money and get twice as shitty?

This is the part of the blog where I start getting feministy. Alcohol is the number one predatory drug. Not pot, not pills, but booze. I’m not the party police, but I also want to look out for my friends. Why is it that Four Loko has been making news and getting banned for allegedly putting people in the hospital when perpetrators have been using other types of alcohol for years to commit acts of violence? I’ll be the last to suggest we ban the sale of alcohol, we tried that once and it didn’t turn out so great. What I’m saying is we need to realize that just because it doesn’t make the news, it doesn’t mean sexual assault is less of a problem. I know that my friends and I have each other’s backs when we go out or even when we stay in, but not everyone has that support system. So no matter what you’re drinking, remember to be on the look out for potentially dangerous situations, you could end up saving someone from something worse than a hangover.


3 thoughts on “Four Loko-A-Go-Go

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Lauren Olson, Bibi. Bibi said: RT @LaurenOlson: My Four Loko experience. […]

  2. Jack says:

    I tried it too and I am male and one hell of a lot older than you. This isn’t a very good product for a bunch of young women to get ripped on.

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