The Straight and Narrow: Dating While Feminist

Dating in college is like a painful game of trial and error. Every error yields little but frustration, disappointment, and new reasons to criticize yourself. This can be said for pretty much anyone who actively tries their hand and heart at a relationship, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that finding someone as a straight feminist is even more challenging.
First let me acknowledge that being straight has countless privileges. You can openly talk about your partner at work without feeling like your job’s in jeopardy. You can hold hands with your partner in public without being stared at or receiving cat calls. You never have to come out as being interested in the opposite sex. Pretty big perks that a lot of us don’t even think about. There are also some pretty big perks for women who don’t identify as feminists.
Apparently since a good chunk of my friends are queer, that must meant that I, in fact, am also queer. This results in men assuming I am not interested in them and may be part of the reason they avoid me like the plague. If this theory is true, I should start hanging out with more skinny people and their slenderness will rub off on me, which would probably fix the other reasons why men avoid me. But that’s another blog for another day.
People usually like to date those who share similar world views and values. Being a straight, radical feminist, the number of men (that are attracted to women) who feel the same way I do seems to be dwindling. Not to mention all the preconceived notions people have about you when you’re as vocal as I am. To some, I’m a baby-eating man-hater that never shaves her legs and absolutely loathes sex. Okay, let’s be honest, sometimes I get a little lazy with the shaving. You would too if no one ever looked at your legs. Also, it’s getting really hard to reconcile my views on being strong and independent with feeling like I’m ready for a relationship. Yeah, I’m 20 and I’m young and I have a lot of time and what not. Piss it. I’m lonely. Being a badass single woman with badass friends is fun and all, but having someone that wants to share in your badassedness above anyone else is even better. I want to be a priority, because that’s how I would view them.
Besides, who needs to date when television has brought us wonders like “Conveyor Belt of Love”! I’d much rather a conveyor belt of assorted cookies and pies. Also, credit to Erin Horth for coming up with a good title for this post.

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2 thoughts on “The Straight and Narrow: Dating While Feminist

  1. Scott says:

    “Piss it. I’m lonely. Being a badass single woman with badass friends is fun and all, but having someone that wants to share in your badassedness above anyone else is even better. I want to be a priority, because that’s how I would view them.”

    Change the woman, to man and I totally agree with this statement. Very well said.

  2. Bryce says:

    I am sure you will find someone, without having to compromise who you are. How can I put this in a way that wont offend a radical feminist? Ok I can’t. If you wanna be caught you might have to separate from the herd for a few minutes. Guys tend to be really really uncomfortable approaching a woman who is with surrounded by her friends. Can’t even describe it that is scary as hell I think I’d rather approach a group of alligators, maybe I exaggerate but still men often interpret this as a sign you are not looking for a boyfriend at that moment but having a good time with your friends. I am certain women got it harder but one thing that guys have to put up with thats not easy at all is we are the ones that have to ask the girls out. We get rejected, our self confidence and even our heart shattered and duct taped back together dozens of times, we get laughed at and we get girls writing off as just horndogs trying to get a girl in bed for talking to a girl or even for totally sweet acts of kindness. Maybe thats true but imagine a world where women were expected to ask guys out and we just got to sit around in little groups giggling and laughing at girls awkward attempts to impress us. Ok that aside I have an idea for a radical feminist like yourself who likes to shatter those tired old gender rules. Ask a guy out. Honestly if you went to my school and walked up to me and asked me out that would make my frikkin day. I would feel so complimented and happy. you would definitely at least get one date. If you took me someplace nice lol jk I would probably pay for everything in that case just because I would want to hold on to at least a little of my manly status. Men differ from women in this way I think, if a girl has a crush on me(this rarely ever happens) I sorta can’t help but like her back. ( I figure shes at least got good taste right lol) Men are really insecure mostly and really love the though of being loved for who they are and not for the persona they put on to try to get a girlfriend. Another thing don’t lower your standards in terms of personality per se but make sure your standards on looks or attractiveness are low. Mine are I am in the same boat as you. What kinda radical feminist gets sucked into making physical appearance a big deal right?

    As for me I get stuck in the “friends zone” I have friends that are girls we have lovely conversations I always try to cheer them up if they are having a bad day I develop strong attraction to them but they don’t feel it back. Sometimes they take advantage of me for their entertainment and enjoy that I am “obsessed” as it feeds their ego, they may even genuinely enjoy being friends but nothing more. They usually got some other boyfriend whos some macho acting punk. That ends up hurting my feelings. Like most people both male and female you hope that you are sexy to at least someone. But its not that I am that obsessed with sex I have had a few crazy nights I just want a relationship with a girl who will love me half as much as I love her. Thats partly why I am not so big on this feminism stuff anymore. I know this is a sexist society and a lot of men are sexist pigs but little short guy me down here scurrying from buses to classes to work doesn’t hurt women I get kicked around by them. For example I remember the birthdays of many of these “just friend” girls from my teenage years and would call them even make them a homemade gift on their birthday. No girl has ever called me on my birthday or remembered my birthday. They don’t have to. Far from feeling like the dominant sex walking around like I own the place I live in fear of women. I am very tough physically but emotional wounds cut much deeper.

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